It's been some years since I've heard it said that in a relationship, your partner cannot make you whole. Only God can make us whole. Just recently, I was reading a book on relationships and the author said it another way, "You need to be complete before marriage, so you can be whole in the marriage." Any one who knows me knows I like to use analogies to paint a clearer picture and the symbol of the yin-yang illustrates this point wonderfully.

First off, when a man and woman marry the two become one (Genesis 2:24). So now, picture the yin-yang symbol. It is essentially two separate pieces that come together to form one unit. But imagine if either of those pieces looses its tail or the other had a huge chunk carved out of its head. When they form their union, they will still be incomplete. The one with the complete tail can't cover the imperfections of the other and vice versa.

It's been a few days since my last update. I'll admit I've been lazy about updating my post over the last few days because in all honesty, I'm ready for the fast to be over. It's been shortened once again and we will be ending on Sat, June 26th. I'll admit that it's opened my eyes to see things that I need to get back to doing. Like when I first moved to Sacramento, for a few months, I didn't have a TV, so I read. A lot. Mainly the Bible, but also other books that I got from the library. I don't do that as much anymore.

My eating habits could stand to evolve as well. Refined white sugar is my biggest problem, followed next by bouts of gluttony. I get a hold of something that really taste good and it's like I can't rest until it's gone. So my remedy has been not to buy sweets or junk food to keep in the house. But I do have my weak moments and somehow they make it through the door. But it's not just limited to sweets, I do the same thing with nuts, mixed or not.

I almost broke a few times over the course of today, although I did have to break the fast a few days ago as I wound up sick. I'll spare the details of what exactly happened but lets just say it will be some time before I eat mixed nuts and salmon in the same day.

Needless, to say, this fast is showing me how much I really do need the Lord and how, I'm truly nothing without Him. There are moments when I can be so ungrateful but God loves me through it. Days where I can get so annoyed and frustrated at myself or the world and God still loves me through it. What other friend would put up with such ugliness and selfishness? No other friend I know. Thank goodness that even through all of that He can still see through and see the best in me and that best is all He needs. Thank you, Lord for looking beyond my faults and knowing my heart...

I'm not too proud of the fact that I haven't written a post since Tuesday but I did manage to write a few revelations down during my morning prayer and meditation time. On Wednesday morning, June 16th, as I finished reading Proverbs 16, these words came to my heart, "We are merely reflective surfaces reflecting God's glory." Thursday morning's meditation brought these words, "I want to be purposeful in my living and giving".

Today, I didn't manage to write down any words but I did receive a word at the woman's meeting at CCC tonight. It actually ties in with my last post on Tuesday night pertaining to what would God have to do in our lives to show that He's real. Well, Elder Karen read from Psalm 34 and when she got to verse 8, which reads, "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. (NIV)". I felt my Spirit say to me that this will become the foundational scripture of my ministry. Still not sure what all this ministry would entail but I'm feeling like it's got something to do with reaching out to people who are seeking or have doubts about Him.

God is also dealing with me in another area of my life and that is my dealings and relationships with people that I don't know very well. I tend to be a little awkward and sometimes even a little standoffish. In a large room full of people I don't know, I usually stand by myself praying for the night to be over. I'd also like to work on being more approachable and less reserved. If people feel they can't talk to me or feel uncomfortable approaching me then how am I going to reach them for Christ and why would they want to listen to me? This all ties in to the ministry which my Spirit is whispering to me will actually be some form of outreach or missions.

A thought crossed my mind as I was getting ready to go to bed (and actually forgo writing anything tonight). I was just thinking about how real God is and how several years ago, I knew that without a shadow of a doubt that He is more real and tangible than things I can see. I know how it can be to struggle with believing in Him and whether or not He's "real". It took a few signs, wonders and many answered prayers for me to know, that I know that I know that I know, He is indeed for real.

And with that I had this thought; how can God make himself real to you if he hasn't already? And what would you like Him to do in your life to prove that He is who He says he is and that He can do exceedingly and abundantly above all that you ask or seek? Just a little food for thought...

I'm going to try and keep this one short because I just got in from practice and dropping a few folks at home and well, I'm a little tired. Nonetheless, the leader of the step team, Reggie, had a serious heart-to-heart with us. Quite a few people had been struggling with the fast (myself included) and he encouraged to continue and finish it out. Turns out the fast has been shortened. So, instead of us finishing on June 30th, we will break the fast on June 28th. Hallelujah!

Overall, I had a really good day today. I saw the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater for the first time at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. Everyone I asked about it said that they'd already seen it so I was beginning to feel like I was riding the late bus. It was a great production! It completely activated my sense of sight, sound and imagination. I know that imagination is not an official sense but it probably should be. My seat was amazing! I was sitting in the balcony in the front row so my view was unblocked and I could see from such a bird's eye view that I doubt sitting on the floor would have given me the same perspective.

It's amazing how my view and perspective at the show kind of ties in with the message given today by Pastor Peter Mortlock of City Impact Church in Auckland, New Zealand. He spoke about our vision and how when we limit it, we limit God's work in our lives. He made a comment that "the higher we go the more we can see. The more we can see the more we can achieve." And he's right.

He also mentioned this idea of spiritual mountain climbing. It wasn't until I started writing this post that I made the connection between my seat at the show today and his sermon. I was clearly able to see after the show how important your view of things really is. I was able to see things from up top that may have not been as powerful for people looking at it head on. He also made mention of the fact that the flesh hates it. The flesh tends to think small in an attempt to resist the effort it takes to reach new spiritual heights.

I was just thinking about the current "view" of my life and I have to admit that I've kind of stopped climbing. Lately, it seems like my view has been obscured by skyscrapers and tenement buildings. I want to be able to see over and above these. I don't want the sky to be the limit for me. Not sure exactly what I'd like to see but I know that when I start praying like Jabez and asking God to increase me territory and my view He will show me the way up the fire escape ladder and out onto a rooftop overlooking the world that He has already overcome. And in Him, so will I.

So, I leave you with this. From what heights are you viewing your life? How high do you want to go?

So, I didn't get around to blogging yesterday as I was honestly too sleepy. But one of the thoughts that came to me early in the day pertained to me possibly moving back to Atlanta in the next few years. I've debated it in the past but never felt truly ready to do. The only difficult thing about me moving back to Atlanta now would be the fact that I would have to leave CCC and the CCC family that I've gained. God also impressed upon my heart the idea that if I were to make that move that it would a) need to be for the right reasons. Not because I miss my family and have felt lonely living so far away. And b) I need to make sure that my spiritual and financial houses are in order. In other words what would be the spiritual purpose for moving back? What would I like to gain spiritually and where would my church home be? He reminded me that, like our Pastor has stressed to us, it's important to know my core values and purposes for my life and seek ministries that line up with those. And I think the financial order speaks for itself. I'd love to buy a home once back in the A so I need to account for that as well as the expenses associated with moving.

All that was for yesterday. Then for today. It was a day that I can say was truly lead by God. I had plan to attend the singles ministry meeting at church (which I did). I had doubts that I would go at first because I really wanted to sleep in. But, one of my sister's on the step team asked if I could pick her up and then another, so I willing agreed. Once, I'd picked them both up we headed for the meeting which was great! Minister Reggie Alvarez brought the truth from the Word. Straight, with no chaser! The topic was "Being Set Apart for Holiness" and how to be holy.

After the meeting, a few of us had a lunch consisting of mixed vegetables and water. We then headed over to one of our sister's in Christ, Kaylar's fitness center grand opening. It was an awesome time and to top it off they had fruit galore as well we get to go back for a free class! Do i sound excited? That's because I am. After, I went to the movies to see the Jaden Smith in the remake of the Karate Kid with one of my sister's in Christ and Boots homie, Joan. The movie was better than I thought it'd be. Before the movie though (we had a few hours to kill) we went to eat at Boulder Creek, which I had never been. I had garlic crusted salmon, mixed vegetables and and a sweet potato. I was in heaven! She made a comment that she almost didn't even go to the meeting but was glad she did. I'm happy she did too. From that I was reminded that sometimes the things that we don't really want to do or the things we are finding it difficult to do are things that we should avail ourselves to. Maybe not in all cases but it's something to consider.

Ok, I seriously had to ask myself why I was fasting this morning. I'm still not feeling 100%. I woke up feeling worse today than I did yesterday. It crossed my mind as I was getting ready for work that the enemy is trying to attack my health and energy. I was experiencing really bad habit pangs and I seriously wanted to break the fast this morning and call it a day. All I could think about was my extra sweet cup of hot green tea! I've done partial fasts before. I've done one meal a day fasts. I've even done the eat nothing fast. But this fast fast tougher.

A few days ago, I was already to do this but now I'm in it and as much as I want to break it, I realize that if I can hold on and bear with it, I will be made stronger in the end. It also dawned on me this morning that when we don't fast, we tend to become desensitized to the word and God's voice. I guess this also ties into yesterday's post where I spoke about taking God for granted and feeling like I'm having one-sided conversation. I guess it would feel that way if I'm desensitized.

I was also feeling really irritable and moody and this is definitely playing out on my job. Luckily, I was able to pray for others and be prayed for at lunch via a phone prayer cord. I also, prayed with my prayer partner, Jamie. She really blessed me with her words and I know they aren't in vain. God's word will never return void so even when I don't feel or see the direct results of the prayers right away, I know they're on the way!

Some highlights from today:

This morning, I was feeling a little bit under the weather. I pushed myself to get up and out of bed. As I started praying, I realized that the fire and excitement I have for things when they are new was not there in my heart. I felt bad about that because I realized that in a sense, my prayer time with God has become sort of a routine. So routine that I take it for granted. It's like the thrill is gone. Sometimes when I pray, I feel as though I'm writing a verbal letter to God or leaving a voice mail. In essence, it tends to feel very one-sided.

I know that the communication is not one-sided as I do read my word in the morning (and at night) and I do hear the Lord speaking to me through the word. But lately, every since I moved back to the east coast I've been feeling like His presence is harder to feel and His voice is becoming harder to hear through the noise from the City.

Also, my flesh was definitely feeling the effects of the fast and starting its rebellion act. I was extremely moody and wanted to eat every and anything I could. We were also paired up with another member of the Boots team to pray with. I didn't get the chance to pray with my prayer partner tonight but I know that the prayers of the righteous does avail. And I know that it's through prayer that I will avail.

I'm a Pisces and growing up I was always into astrology. One of the things that was often said about us is that we tend to view the world through rose-colored glasses. Essentially, what that means is that we don't always see things for what they are but through a lens that slightly tints reality. It's almost like we see what we want to see. Several years ago when I moved to the City I asked God to remove those rose-colored glasses from my eyes and boy has He ever! I bring this up because I've had an emotional few weeks that were chocked full of reality. I've been made aware of some things that have shocked me, upset me and disappointed me. For a few days, I was a literally out of it.

So, when I learned that the step ministry that I'm apart of at church (the team is known as Boots) would be embarking on a 21 day partial fast, I was all for it. Of course, to some degree I'm never really ready to partake in a fast, as it never seems convenient. But this time feels different. It's like I need it. Almost craving it. I know that whenever I fast, I feel God working through and around me in ways that I could never imagine or have experienced. And I need His infilling and presence with me now more than ever.

At any rate, I'm going to attempt to blog everyday during the fast just to share what God is revealing to me and what He's dealing with me about. Our reference scripture is Isaiah 58 and the focus of the fast is not merely to "turn down our plates" but to seek God's wisdom for ways that we can pour out and give of ourselves to others. I've also been dealing alot with matters of relationships and am seeking God's face as it pertains to getting to know Him as my first and only true love. I realize that what I really want and need only God can provide. To require a mortal man to satisfy all of my desires, emotional and spiritual longings is unrealistic. I will never be able to be all things to him either. One of my friends shared a bit of wisdom about her own personal relationship. She said that she had to learn that God is her source. Everyone else is just a resource.

The fast will begin on Wed, Jun 9th. I'm ready. Let it begin...

I didn't want to get too deep into relationship matters today, but I'll admit I've been thinking about it a lot over the past few years. Most of my friends, including myself, have just crossed over the 30 mark. Most of my friends, also including me, are single. I don't think I feel as hard pressed as some of them might feel to to meet someone, get married and start a family. Although that would be nice, the reality is finding a mate (or as I like to see it, being found by my mate) is probably one of the scariest, most important things that will ever happen in my life. I don't want to make a hasty decision. My mom always says this and it's really simple but, "haste makes waste". Marriage is til death do you part, although I know it's possible to experience the "D" word I don't like to pronounce, that's not something I want to experience.

So, that kind of brings me to the point of this post. I read a book years ago called Choosing God's Best by Dr. Ron Raunikar. There was one part in the book that really intrigued me and it was "God Reveals, Man Initiates and Woman Chooses." I always thought that this concept was interesting because my father used to tell my mom the same thing. There's more to this concept that I'm not touching on so it's definitely worth a read.

I realize that over the past few years I've been in such hot pursuit to build my career that I've never really taken the time to nurture relationships and that includes friendships. So, I got to thinking about this whole reveals, initiates, choose cycle. I remember when I first moved to Brooklyn, I went apartment hunting. I went to see a few apts that I had had picked out and a few that were suggested by my broker. I put in an application for one that I'd chosen and it took forever to get a response back. In the meantime, a good friend of mine introduced me to a lady who lived across the hall. The lady had a an apartment that she was renting. So, I agreed to go check out the space and was quite pleasantly surprised with what I saw on the inside. I was also ecstatic about the rent. But, I still had my heart set on the other place. I was willing to risk loosing the place my friend recommended to pursue the other, higher priced, flashier apartment.

After several weeks, I finally heard back about the apartment I really wanted. To my disappointment I was rejected. I was crushed. After getting the news, I kind of had a little melt down. I felt helpless. At that moment I was reminded that I'd already seen an apartment that pretty much fit most of my criteria. It was by no means perfect but it was what I needed (little did I know at the time that there would be added benefits too). So, weeks had past since I'd seen the place and I worried that it had been rented. So, my prayer to God was that if this place was still available, I'd take it. I felt silly that I didn't just take it when I had the chance to take it but no. I just had to see what else was out there even though I knew this was the best place for me. So I called the lady renting the apt and she said that her cousin had already promised it to someone else. BUT since she had shown it to me first and she liked me she would cancel the deal with the other lady so that I could have the unit. I was happy but not overly as the deal could still fall through. But it didn't and today, I still live in that apartment. As I mentioned it is far from perfect, but I still love it. It's home. And the added perk is that I have off street parking for my car (Hallelujah!)

I said all of that to illustrate how, the reveals, initiates, chooses process can work. Yeah, I used an apartment for the illustration, but replace the apartment with people or someone's name. Of course every situation is different but it shows how human nature can be. My Father knows best and even though I had a lot to choose from He allowed me to weigh my options and helped me make the best choice for me. God is the ultimate matchmaker and I know that if he can help me with the daunting task of finding an apartment in New York City, He is more than able to introduce me and help me decipher the man whose rib cage He fashioned me from.

I recently heard a track by Tonex called "Gentlemen's Gentleman" off of the London Letters cd. It appears to be several years old. It's a thought provoking song about male/female relationships. I do agree with Tonex on some things espcially about men being protectors of women and about not settling. I'm always interested in songs and reading about male/female relationships especially from a Christian perspective. At any rate feel free to check it out....

The track...

"Missing the Opportunity" is actually a post that I'd posted on one of my other blogs, Commenterri.com. It's dated 8.25.05. I was living in Sacramento, CA at the time and I worked a job where some days, I had a lot of time to think about my life. Not sure what made me think about this post today but as soon as I sat down to write a post, this one came to mind. At any rate, I thought it'd be nice to post again.


"God deals with us in different ways yet it's usually to convey a common point. I was in the ladies room when this revelation hit me. I've been in Sacramento for over a year and I miss Atlanta alot. I know that God has a purpose for my life and right now that purpose involves Sacramento but some days I get the urge to just leave everything behind and move on to something new. The thing is if I jump up and do what I want to do I feel like I'm going to miss out on a wonderful opportunity which usually happens when we get out of God's will. I just keep asking "How much longer, God?" and I start to get impatient.

Then my Spirit gave me this analogy. It's like going to a Doctors office and God is the Doctor. The receptionist(or angel) greets me and tells me that the Doctor is seeing patients on a first come first serve basis. There are several people ahead of me so I don't know when God will get to me. I sit for a few minutes and get restless so I decide to go down the hall to get a snack from the vending machine and then on my way back make a stop in the ladies room. When I return the people who were ahead of me are gone and now there are more people waiting. I approach the receptionist to find out how much longer it'll be only to be told that my name had already been called and I'd need to sign in again. So in the course of several minutes I basically lost my postion and missed my turn (opportunity/blessing)."

I was speaking with a very wise young lady recently. She's in her first year of college and is truly flourishing and already making an impact on her school and her peers. During the course of our conversation she mentioned that her friends at school ask her why she always carries her Bible. She said she tells them that it's her passport.

That was honestly my first time ever hearing someone refer to the Bible as a passport. I couldn't contain my smile because indeed it truly is. It allows us access to the knowledge and wisdom of God. It gives us instructions in case of an emergency, we know who to call. The great thing about this passport, is that it never expires. It lasts from everlasting to everlasting.

Looking back on these older post has really ministered to me. I realize that it was not me writing these things but God working through me. I enjoy writing. It's a better release for me, sometimes, then talking things out. I've got to admit though, I've been lazy about writing! But I want to share a testimony that I had in 2004 while I was living in Sacramento, CA. I often tell people that Sacramento was my book of Acts. It was the place that God really started to show me who He was. Talk about signs and wonders! They were happening all around me and not just to me. It was a truly special time in my life.

Well, one Sunday or Monday in late Oct of 2004, I was sitting in bed. I don't recall what I was doing, if I was reading the word or what, but I heard the Holy Spirit say to me "Start writing again." I said "What?" and I heard Him say it again. I then got up from the bed and got one my journals to start writing but I didn't know what I was going to write about. I've kept and written in journals since I was 11 years old. At this time, I was 25. Admittedly, I'd slacked off once I got to college because come on, I was already doing enough writing for my classes. I didn't really want to write more if I didn't have to.

So, I grabbed my journal and started writing what was on my heart. After I stopped writing, I heard the same voice say to me go to the Prayer service at Church that would be taking place the following day. Again, I asked "What?" and the voice repeated it. I don't know why now, but I can remember feeling nervous about going to the prayer meeting. I didn't know what to expect and I was hoping for dear life that they wouldn't make me pray out loud. So the day of the prayer meeting, there where several events prior to me getting there that the Lord knew would happen, that would try to discourage me from going but in the end I found myself at the church. I remember waiting downstairs in the lobby before going into the sanctuary and I felt like I was waiting to receive something but didn't have a clue as to what it could be. I just knew that I was in the house of the Lord and whatever it was that I was going to receive would be awesome. There weren't a lot of people there that night (7 people in all including moi). We did praise and worship and listened to a short sermon by the leader of the service.

At one point, the leader goes around and ask us to share a brief praise report or testimony. I wasn't sure what I would share. There's so much to be grateful for. As I was contemplating what to say my spirit suggested to share my mother's testimony, which was the fact that after 30+ years of smoking, by the grace of God, she quit. It was my turn to share and as I began to talk, I just broke down. I mean a water works of tears overtook me. At some point one of the Pastors wives came over to console me. As she did she leaned over and whispered to me "Are you a writer?" I was so taken off guard. I nodded slightly and she began to tell me that God told her that I would be a writer. I was floored! She basically affirmed what God had spoken to me the night before. He wanted me to start writing again. There was no way she could have possibly known that unless the Spirit revealed that to her. She began to pray over me and bless me. Later that evening she told me that she was a little nervous and skeptical about telling me what she did. I'm so grateful that despite her reservations, she was obedient to the word and move of the Holy Spirit.

I felt a sense of relief that night. Like a burden had been lifted off of me. Not too long after that commenterri.com emerged followed by The Good News. I've definitely slacked off on my writing but God always gives me a reason to continue. I'm still growing into this. I'm absolutely humbled that he would choose to use me as an instrument to share His truths, love and wisdom.

I'm a little embarrassed at how long its been since I last wrote a post. And with good reason, I should be embarrassed considering how faithful God has been to me in the last few years. In all honesty, I can truly say that I've been spoiled by my Dad. And I like it.

There are some new issues God is dealing with me on. I'm in 30's now and seeing things a little bit clearer and differently. I know I have to share the things He's revealed and is doing in my life. And I definitely intend to.

Peace & Blessings...
-Terri